Piggie pick-up lines

From literally being "top hog" in her pen with 4 much smaller pigs, Miss Bea (the American guinea hog) was lured away (with food, of course) from her adoring gang of much younger piggies and rudely lured in to the pen with guest-hog Newton (Kune-Kune boar).  Where she is no longer the biggest, bossiest piggie in the pen.

After some rather polite sniffing, Newton discovered that Bea is somehow DIFFERENT than the other pigs that he's encountered in his young life.  Newton has grown up with a girl pig (gilt) at our friends' farm, but being in close quarters with another pig for your whole life apparently can blind any pig to the notion that there is an opposite sex....

Not too long after entering our guest's bachelor pad, Bea discovered that boars can be quite.....boorish. 

Let's set the stage:  

The lights are low (the large spruce tree overhangs the pen and blocks out the fading sunlight)

The pretty lady with silky black hair/fur leaves familiar territory (pen) and saunters cheerfully along, lured by the thought of a drink or a party at the next bar (actually, she follows feed.  I used a pan of corn, oats, and barley...yum!)

Entering the next establishment, she looks around eagerly, letting out a snort or two for good measure, searching the smoky darkness for a friend who she remembers meeting there before....  (Buffy and Boss were housed in that pen, just  a week ago, but sadly have moved on to make room for Newton to come and visit).

From out of nowhere, a large, attractive, suave, brilliantly rust-colored male with black spots, with long bristly hair slightly ruffled by the faint breeze appears.  He saunters in prissy Miss Bea's direction, drawn to her immediately, and obviously VERY attracted.  His large fuzzy ears and upturned snout seem to be features that he is immensely proud of, as he tries to make nonchalant conversation.....

 

Pig language:

Short repetitious snort (from the love-struck/hormonally-charged guy):  

"Hey baby, so glad you stopped in to see me this afternoon." 

And "MmmmmmMMMM!  I can't get enough of that perfume you're wearing!"

Loud huffing (imagine the attitude of an irritated housewife with hands on her hips): 

"Don't you "hey baby" ME!!!  I didn't ASK to be put in this pen with you!!!"  

"Really?  My PerFUME?  Can't you come up with anything better than THAT?"

Soothing, soft snorting sounds:  

"Now, I've seen you from across the barnyard, and baby, I've been WAITING to get close to you"

Squeal of disgust:  "REALLY!  That's your best line?!!!  I don't believe this!  Where's my girlfriend?  I'm getting OUT of here!"

Oinks of encouragement, Boar/guy follows the gilt/girl as she huffs around the perimeter of the bar (oops, the PEN!):  

"Now come on, the afternoon is still young.  No need to get all upset before the DJ even gets the music going!  Let me get you a drink from our communal water bowl over here....."

Girl/gilt, who needs a few days before she finds herself in a much better mood for this type of conversation:  

"Oh NO, I don't THINK so, buster!"

And then, all is quiet.  They discover the feed in their matching bowls, and all you hear is "munch" "grunt" "Wow, these cocktails are scrumptious!"  :)

Too bad for the girl, the door is closed behind her and she is stuck in confined quarters with the boar who apparently disgusts her. 

An hour or two later, they are cuddled up together in the shelter, with mounds of straw and hay arranged around them to make a nest.  

I guess it was all drama on Bea's part, trying to act coy instead of making friends with the handsome young boar from the beginning.

That was yesteday.  Today they emerged from the shelter as if they'd always been friends.  Or maybe married for a lifetime.  Bea shoved and pushed for the slop that I brought out, Newton stood by unsure of what to do at first, but then he bit her in the forehead and took over.  She squealed indignantly and moved to the other, less desirable bowl.  

Just like an old married couple might do....if they were pigs.  :)

(Well, hope you enjoyed my little story.  It was certainly fun typing it out!  Hopefully it was not TOO racy, as I tried to keep in mind those of you who have told me how much your children enjoy reading about the farm....)

 Laura