Which Christmas tree?

We don't want to go to a parking lot to choose a "fresh-cut Michigan tree" that might have been sitting on a train car since August (and would be sprayed with a bright-green dye to keep it "ever"green).  And we used to make a family outing every year to a Christmas tree farm, but now that we have multiple spruce, fir and pine trees that need to be cut, it doesn't make sense to spend $50....or $60?....on a tree that someone else grew.   The problem?  The trees that need to be thinned, cut, or removed on our own property are getting really big, as in taller than our house already.  The tops have lost that classic Christmas tree shape as the trees themselves grow and mature.   Last year, Jeff took down one tree that I had my eye on, and he cut it down to size several times before it even fit into the house.  Still, I took garden shears into the house and kept whittling away at the tips of branches until it looked like it COULD have been shaped right for a Christmas tree.  What happens when you cut off the branch-tips of a tree that was just recently growing in the yard?  Sap drips....onto ornaments, the carpet or tree skirt, and onto the Christmas presents below. But the tree was free, from our own property, and the ornaments and strings of beads that we decorated it with made it beautiful.   I walked the yard in the drizzle yesterday, and came across one or two potentials.  The one in front of our dining room window is getting a bit tall, even though it will not reach full size for years and years.  It's shaped nicely at the top.  Not sure if I want to cut that one just yet, though.  That means putting time and money towards blinds or different curtains on the window if the tree is not shading it from the direct south-exposure sunlight. Then there's another one, growing too close to a very tall blue spruce.  The bottom branches of this half-grown tree are spindly, and it's flat on the side close to the mature tree.  The top 1/3 is just about right to fit up against a wall or window, with the fullness being on the "room-side" (the part that would be visible and decorated inside).  This one is growing in the front yard, where there is a LOT of clearing-out to be done in the spring.  Progress was made this year, but passing our house from the north on Greenwood road, our front yard still looks deserted, overgrown and unloved.   This tree could be the one.  It has a bird-nest in it.  That's always a good sign, even in the years when we'd walk through someone else's Christmas tree farm. Others that I want to have cut down will have to wait.  For two of them, they are shielding the kitchen view from a haphazardly-overgrown area, full of blackberry bushes, a beautiful flowering-pear tree, garlic mustard, a huge lilac bush that is struggling to survive, a twig-of-an-oak-tree that I'm nursing along and cedar trees that aren't going to last much longer.  Jeff and I decided that we need to do some work back there  along the property line before we take out trees that provide a nicer view than what's behind them.  But when it's time to take them down, the vista from the kitchen could be lovely. We did discover that (under the power lines along the road) there had been 2 huge trees, maybe tamarac or maple, whose stumps are still visible in among the weedy grass.  Too bad those are gone.  It seems that they were probably taken down years ago when the newer power lines were put in. Jeff suggested putting the $50 we would have spent for a tree grown by someone else towards the purchase of small trees to strategically place on the property, where we can give them the space to grow but also give ourselves a noise- and wind-break in just the right spots.  I like that idea! I do love trees, and I don't like to lose any that have value.  There are so MANY on this 2 acre parcel, though, and some have outgrown their spaces.  We'll proceed carefully and insightfully, putting in some trees when we take others out, filling in the property-line with evergreens in a double-row so that future Christmas trees can be harvested, and making sure to block out as much traffic-noise and winter-winds as we can by well-thought-out placement of new trees each spring.   And we have a week to decide if the tree in the front yard is the honored Christmas tree that will grace our living room this holiday season!  Photos to come..... Laura http://dykstrasfarm.blogspot.com/

Count your blessings

A thought for today comes from cleaning the living room.  Who knows how long it's been....?  But it had to be done to make way for a Christmas tree this weekend. I set my timer for 15 minutes so I wouldn't get distracted.  On the piano, someone had left one of my antique music hymnals open to "Count Your Many Blessings".  "OK", I thought, "I'll plunk out that song when this 15 minutes is done".  Too easy to get distracted if I sit down right now. The buzzer went off and I was in the middle of organizing a pile of curtains and mish-mash that was brought over from the Palatine house before the renters moved in (September-ish). Hmmm...curtain rods and nice (new!) white sheer curtains.  The sunroom on the street side of the garage has 3 walls of windows, why not hang some of these there.  Side trip! Distraction! Back in the house, I glanced out the window and liked how the curtains spiffed up the view of the sunroom.  I took 3 more curtain rods out and hung up some lace curtains that didn't really match the white sheers, but looked better than bare windows.  Second distraction. 15 more minutes of organizing, this time the DVD's and the video games.  "Count Your Many Blessings" caught my eye again and I started humming it to myself (one of my old-time favorites!) Buzzer went off, not quite done, so I finished what was probably another 10 or 20 minutes. I took piano lessons for 3 years, maybe from when I was 7 or 8 until 10 or 11 years old, rather half-heartedly towards the end of it because I really wanted to play flute or clarinet in band instead.  Probably wouldn't have done a good job at that, either, since I couldn't devote myself to one instrument already. Anyway, that leaves me (at almost 45 years old!) unable to fluently play anything on the piano.  Sad, but I don't need to play piano for anything, either. It didn't really matter that I couldn't play.  I plunked out the tune, getting the "flats" wrong all through the first time, playing only the treble cleff.  And got goose bumps as I sang it to myself. On a separate note (to tie this all together), we've been watching Survivor Philippines this season, and Jeremy and I have taken to eating dinner in front of the TV on Wednesdays and quoting characters that we don't like.  A favorite character from an 80's TV show is one of the contestants, and as an adult, she has been a fairly public Christian figure--Lisa Whelchel.  I don't expect that she'll win the million dollars, but I like to watch her strategy, her discovery of needing to be true to her deep-seated values.  I was waiting to see if her wish to share her faith would even be considered for airing on prime time.   This week, she is still playing strong and is in the final 6.  She and another contestant prayed together, not a "Please Lord, let me win" prayer, but a "We'd love it if you blessed this strategy, but not our will but Yours be done".  I'm not sure the other guy was whole-heartedly in the prayer with her---he was distracted by the huge ant crawling up the tree next to where they were sitting.  Anyway.  Their "will" wasn't "done", and the person they hoped to eliminate from the game stayed.  Another prayer and conversation:  "Show us the way to play this game fairly and to stay true to who we are, not sacrificing our integrity" (paraphrased).  I was impressed and thankful that CBS would choose to air that part of the interaction between players.  (They also aired the other players saying sarcastically "So now, what?  They're going to bond over Jesus?!!!")  But one lovely woman's faith in God shone through on prime time, sarcastic comments from other players notwithstanding.  Somehow it all connects in my mind, in one of those round-a-bout ways that probably makes no sense to anyone else.  I have no idea who left the book open to that song.  I haven't sat down at the piano at all in the year and a half that we've lived here.  The song called to me today, and here it is: COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS, by Rev. J Oatman, Jr., 1924  (the name E.O. Excell also appears, as the "owner".  Not sure what that means) When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done. Count your blessings, name them one by one; Count your blessings, See what God hath done;  Count your blessings, name them one by one; Count your many blessings, see what God hath done. Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, And you will be singing as the days go by. When you look at others with their lands and gold, Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold; Count your many blessings. Money cannot buy Your reward in heaven nor your home on high. So amid the conflict whether great or small, Do not be discouraged, God is over all; Count your many blessings, angels will attend; Help and comfort give you to your journey's end. Count your blessings, name them one by one; Count your blessings, see what God hath done;  Count your blessings, name them one by one; Count your many blessings, see what God hath done. Maybe that's my subconscious theme-song, just as much as the story The Country Mouse and the City Mouse defines my love of country-sides rather than big cities! Count your many blessings, see what God has done! Laura http://dykstrasfarm.blogspot.com/

Stuff to do

I'm a bit behind on getting things ready for the winter.  We had too many chickens this year (obvious!), plus we (I should say "I") should have waited to get turkeys, geese, ducks....we weren't set up for as many birds as there were, and the entire first floor of the barn is a pile of poop and straw and chicken dust.  Making progress, but slowly.... Already, in planning for next year, we'll do a few things differently. We're deciding not to have classrooms hatch our eggs next spring (we took back about a hundred chicks from various classrooms, who all had to be fed and cared for and kept in separate PVC pens with heat lamps, etc....).  I've already let the teachers know, and...this will also allow us to pare down the number of birds we have each year, in an attempt to eventually replace the whole flock with healthy birds.  That will require a bit of careful planning so as to avoid infecting any new birds--looking to totally replace the ones that have been sick in 2 or 3 years, by phasing out the current flock.   We'll probably order some meat birds, but not the ugly and unhealthy white ones.  There are a couple of "breeds" out there that do well on pasture but mature by 10 or 12 weeks (as opposed to feeding male classroom chicks for 6 months before they were big enough for the butcher).  But before we order them, we need to have one or 2 "chicken tractors" (movable pens for out in the pasture) made and ready to go.  No last-minute or after-the-fact scrambling to throw together something to contain them.  Lesson learned (and easily forgotten, I'm sure!) There needs to be some organization of supplies, and the birds need to be kept out of it.  The chickens like to fly up onto shelves or tables and poke around or lay their eggs (or poop on stuff), and then the clean chick feeders or lightbulbs or packets of medicine get lost in the straw bedding on the floor.  Right now, a telephone is tangled up on the floor under what should have been my work-table, because the chickens decided to roost on that table for a few weeks.  Out on the driveway, there are 2 tarps covered with all the poop-encrusted feeders, pans, waterers, buckets, you-name-it and it has poo on it.  Made a bit of progress in hosing things down and getting them a little cleaner, and now they need to be organized.  They will still need to be washed with bleach-water before we use them again, but they are SO much cleaner than they were....now to just organize them and keep them that way! The chickens need to be contained....we'll work on that this winter.  They do NOT need to have the run of the barn, and they actually don't even need to have the run of the whole pasture.  They absolutely do not need to squeeze through the fence or fly over it and dig in my flower gardens or eat our vegetable gardens.  The geese don't need to have free range to nibble holes in paper feed bags or to poke holes in the sides of alfalfa bales to eat the yummy little leaves.  There need to be certain areas where the birds are kept, and it needs to be conducive to egg-gathering and taking care of them WITHOUT the birds roosting wherever they feel like it.  I'm thinking of something like normal barn stalls, which I can let the chickens out of when I want to, but which will keep them snugly contained when I need them to stay put.  10x10 or 10x12, whatever fits nicely in the space that we have on either long side of the barn. Jeremy's bunny needs housing that is separate from the chickens, which means getting the blue garden shed (formerly known as the Barnevelder coop) ready during the course of the winter.  Right now it is in worse shape than the inside of the barn, because I KNEW that the BV chickens were moving out and I didn't keep up with their mess.  There is a resident chipmunk doing a good job of cleaning up all the bits of grain and feed that the Barnevelders wasted....  The bunny (now named "Thumper") is gorgeous, by the way. Very nice coloring, beautiful.  Just not as tame as James or Peach were.  Thumper is still living in Jeremy's room and we are battling to keep the rabbit-smell at bay. Success story:  The cow-shelter is working very well.  Jeff did a really nice job on it.  It's filled with a thick layer of straw, and I started giving the cows their daily ration of hay in the back corner of the new shelter instead of inside their barn area.  They hang out in the shelter, I shut the barn door, and the straw on the floor of the barn doesn't need to be shoveled out every stinking morning before milking.  VERY nice! Another unexpected success, if you can call it that:  We were at the feed store back in September, and a man behind us asked if we were a farm family.  He told us that he was selling his 40 acre farm, and had all kinds of stuff we might be interested in.  I would not have followed him from the store to his farm if Michael and Jeremy had not been with me at the time.  He proceeded to GIVE us lots of chicken stuff, pig feed-pans, etc, etc, etc.  I bought a huge and almost-new livestock watering tank for $40 (the hose had to run for over half an hour to fill it), Michael bought a bigger cage for Rocky (who doesn't like it), I got a short watering tank for $20 that the geese have been bathing in (the reason I got it, so there's a success!), AND....Jeremy got a few fairly large bird cages that can be re-used for bunny cages, come spring.  Also, Jeremy was able to enjoy 5 or 6 riding lessons for free, because that was the tradition at the man's farm before the horses needed to be moved.   I'm not too worried about getting the work done inside the barn.  It happens when there's time, and today there WAS time.  5 wheelbarrows-full of chicken-dust/manure/wasted-feed/litter are now out in the chicken-yard instead of in the barn.  It will get rained on, scratched through, eaten by worms, and become soil in about a year.  3 PVC and netting pens that were in various states of disarray (still set up from spring!) are now dismantled and organized, with the ripped-up netting in the trash.  Numerous feed sacks that were just lying in the chicken-litter are now picked up and in the trash, rather than being clutter. Progress is being made, even if it IS rather slow.   A different topic:  I heard from Lucy's new owners.  He told a funny story.  Lucy is the only cow there, but they have a small herd of milk-goats.  Lucy was outside, and they let the 4 nanny-goats in the pasture with her.  Lucy wanted to be friendly and came to sniff noses with them, but the goats turned and ran to the far corner of the pasture.  Lucy kicked up her heels and apparently did her goofy run, with the terrified goats fleeing from her.  Andrew said it was as if Lucy was trying to ask them "What EXACTLY are WE running from?!!!!" Poor Lu, she didn't know that the goats were running from HER!  She'll have to approach them in a bit less confident manner the next time.  ;)  Laura http://dykstrasfarm.blogspot.com/

Chicago outing

We spent one night away from the farm this past weekend.  We moved here more than 18 months ago.  It was my first night away since we got the cows in January, maybe even longer. Excerpt (from the Little Golden Books version of The Country Mouse and the City Mouse): "Oh Annie (said the city mouse), won't you leave this dull country life behind and come to the city with me?"  "My, it does sound tempting," said Annie. Our daughter set it up:  An overnight stay at the Radisson in downtown Chicago, a walking tour to the German Christmas market, a walking tour of the Lincoln Park Zoolights, a few train and bus rides, a small tour of her new apartment.  It was very nice, even though the FARM was at the back of my mind the whole time.   I left the poultry shut up in the barn.  They can survive without free ranging for 24 hours. They had extra feed and extra water dishes set out.  Easy to leave them. I left Ruby the half-grown calf to nurse on her mama without scheduling anyone to come and milk Bessie on Sunday morning.  Ruby did a fine job of emptying that udder and drinking the extra 1 1/2 gallons of milk that would normally have gone into our refrigerator after milking.  Pretty easy to leave them, knowing that Bessie didn't need to be milked by a human..... A friend came to let the dogs out during the 12 hours that no-one was home (Michael was home late on Saturday night to take over).  Rocky was no problem.  Contrary to how huskies are SUPPOSED to behave, he is a furry bundle of adoration when someone comes into the house.  Shadow was the problem and refused to let our friend take her outside, but forlornly took bread-cubes from her in the kitchen instead.  (Any dog that is "mine" tends to brood and pout when I'm gone).  Knowing that the dogs were taken care of, not too difficult to leave them. The farm was fine, even though I wasn't here to efficiently run and oversee every detail for 24+ hours.  Imagine that! Meanwhile, in Chicago: The German market was so packed that we forced our way through the crowd just once before unanimously voting to move on.  The 5 of us had been looking forward to choosing a Christmas ornament for ourselves, but that idea was quickly replaced with running full speed away from the crushing weight of too many people in one small courtyard. Excerpt:  Annie rode off to the city with her friend.  Honk!  Honk!  Beep!  Beep!  Toot!  Toot!  "Please drive slowly," begged Annie.  "Can't hear a word," screamed Melissa.  "Isn't it marvelous fun?" We walked a LOT.  We took a train.  We walked some more.  We ate at an Indian restaurant on the walk from train station to zoo.   Excerpt:  "Melissa's home in the city was beautiful.  And such fun to explore!  Gaily they raced down the hall." The zoo lights were pretty, as usual.  Even more interesting was chuckling at the reaction of people, whether those people were oohing about lights that flashed in time with jazzy Christmas music or making incredulous comments about reptiles.  Carrie has had numerous different reptiles or snakes as pets, and it was funny to stand in front of the boa enclosure and listen to what people were saying, contrasted with the quiet and amused snorts that Carrie was making in response to non-reptile-loving people.  It was more amusing than usual to watch people who were watching sleeping gorillas or chimps, and how exciting that was (no movement, a big black lump, no interaction).  Maybe we're just spoiled with all of the wide-awake animals that greet us every day..... Excerpt:  Suddenly, WHOOF! barked a fierce, angry voice.  "Help! It's the dog!" squeaked Melissa.  And the two friends ran, shaking with fright.  They slammed the dining-room door, just in time.  The poor country mouse almost fainted with fear.  But Melissa said, "Oh, he chases me all the time. We took 2 buses.  One was awkward.  A large man was taking up the back row of 5 seats, sitting in the very center of the row. He seemed angry, and glared at anyone who chose to stand rather than scoot past him into the corner seats.  On one hand, there should have been no problem sitting next to him.  On the other, his mood was sending off icy vibes into the whole back area of the bus. We chose to stand.....and he glared at us. Back at the hotel, the room was very nice but also very black-and-white and modern.  I found that the pillows were too comfy, and ended up snuggling my head on a little throw-pillow that had a big more substance to it before I could drift off to sleep. In the morning, I had an overpowering urge to breathe something/ANYTHING other than the recycled and stale air of the hotel.  I slid the patio door open and tried not to look straight down (we were on the 15th floor--not high up by Chicago standards but still.....) The air was fresher than inside and there was a slight breeze.  That was nice.  I looked down at the very manicured dog-park and tried to imagine how many of our 2 acre farms could fit into the outline.  The park could have been 10 acres, maybe more.  It was perfect, every tree in place and pruned, no weeds, walkways slicing through at just the right location, a few dogs barking, a little Yorkie on a leash looking like a small dot criss-crossing the sidewalk..... Over to the left, a building was almost complete and a landscaping company was setting up the pool area.  They were literally BLOWING perfectly mixed soil from their landscaping dump-truck through a huge pipe and into the raised beds that would house perfectly manicured shrubs or perfectly chosen grasses to set the stage for a perfect day at the pool.  I was suddenly overwhelmed by how PERFECT everything was, nothing left to chance except maybe a tiny weed that hadn't been discovered yet.   I missed the farm and imagined just lying back in imperfect grass that had been nibbled too short by the ducks or scratched into oblivion by chickens (or pooped on by cows), and looking up into the crossed branches of trees that should probably be trimmed but were growing in a tangle instead. Jeff and I spent an hour or so on the relatively quiet and almost abandoned beach by Lake Michigan while we waited for Carrie, Chris and Jeremy to get moving, and talked about how to "get away" more often..... We all met at the Field Museum and checked out some new exhibits.  We checked out the hatching chicks and got caught up in watching one that was about to break free.  Chris tried to steer me past the "Farm Technology" but I was intrigued by all the descriptions of cow-milking and the video of a calf being born and the wall display of the stomachs of a cow.... Someone behind us was totally grossed out by the calf-video of birth, while all I could think was "Why does that calf need someone to deliver it?  It should have been fine on it's own!". (The video was from Trinity Oaks farm, where calves are delivered in glass-walled observatory/delivery rooms every 20 minutes for paying customers to watch).   I had a few precious moments with just Carrie (mother-daughter time is precious whenever it happens!) as the guys checked out the REAL technology display upstairs.   Excerpt:  The country mouse began to run.  "Annie, where are you going?"  called Melissa. "Home, to the country," squeaked Annie.  "Thank you for the very nice time! (Oh, help!)" We headed out, said goodbye to Carrie, and drove Chris back to college in DeKalb.  Jeff pointed out some historic brick farmhouses along the way back to Woodstock.  I watched all the dark, open farmfields roll by and realized that I'm probably spoiled for life--open farmland versus crowded/cement-encased city life?  I'll take the farmland any day! Excerpt:  The little mouse ran through the city.  She ran and ran and ran.  And she did not stop until she was safe in the quiet green country. Arriving home, what do you think I did first?  Checked on the animals.  They were all fine, except for needing some fresh water.  The concentrated smell of dogs was not pleasant in the kitchen, but....they were closed in there for nearly 2 days, with limited access to being outside.  Excusable. And what did I do next?  I poured myself a big glass of cold milk, and was very glad to be home!  ;) Excerpt:  That night the little mouse told her friends "I would rather lead a simple life....." Laura http://dykstrasfarm.blogspot.com/ The whole Country Mouse story, a favorite from my childhood: Annie Mouse lived quietly in the country.  One day her friend from the city came to visit her.  Annie was delighted.   "Melissa dear, welcome to the country!"  she said.  "Do come in!" Annie Mouse asked some friends in for lunch.  But Melissa did not eat one nibble of the meal that Annie proudly served.   "In the city I dine on spice cake and wine," said the city mouse, rather grandly. "In the city I have a machine that plays music, and I dance on a velvet carpet," said Melissa. "Oh, Annie, won't you leave this dull country life behind, and come to the city with me?" "My, it does sound tempting," said Annie. So Annie rode off to the city with her friend.  Honk! Honk! Beep! Beep! Toot! Toot!  "Please drive slowly," begged Annie. "Can't hear a word," screamed Melissa. "Isn't it marvelous fun?" Melissa's home in the city was beautiful.  And such fun to explore!  Gaily they raced down the hall. Suddenly, WHOOF! barked a fierce, angry voice. "Help! It's the dog!" squeaked Melissa. And the two friends ran, shaking with fright. They slammed the dining-room door, just in time.  The poor country mouse almost fainted with fear. But Melissa said, "Oh, he chases me all the time.  Come Annie, climb up on the table beside me.  Have you ever seen such food?" "Never!" gasped Annie, still shaking with fright. There were dainty bits of spice cake, and fine cheese, and even a drop of wine in the glasses. "Ooooh, I am seeing things!" squeaked Annie suddenly.  "I see a cat!" "It is a cat!" cried Melissa.  "Run, Run!" They slammed the living room door, just in time. "Oh" sobbed Annie.  "I have never been so frightened!" "Nonsense, you'll get used to it," said Melissa.  "There, I've put on the music machine.  Would you care to dance?" Suddenly the door flew open and there was a fearful noise. "It's the vacuum cleaner!" shrieked Melissa.  "Hold on to that curtain, Annie!  Hold tight, or the vacuum will gobble you up!" At last the dreadful machine left.  And the country mouse began to run. "Annie, where are you going?" called Melissa. "Home to the country," squeaked Annie.  "Goodbye, Melissa.  Thank-you for the very nice time.  Oh. Help! Oh! Oh! Oh!" The little mouse ran through the city.  She ran and ran and ran.  And she did not stop until she was safe in the quiet green country. That night she told her gentle friends, "I would rather lead a simple life than dine on riches, and live in fear."

Fw: Farm thoughts

The rough draft from yesterday turned out to be rougher than I thought.  Whole sections repeated themselves and made it very confusing.  Here is the better version (although still a "rough" draft) Photo:  The farmhouse waits to be rediscovered 2 1/2 years ago.... This is a rough draft of what I thought of this morning and wanted to get all the loose ends down on "paper".  Another stream-of-consciousness writing assignment, so it might not make much sense, and is pretty long.....but I think everything is worth saying, whether I'm the only one to read it or not!  ;) I was thinking about how the "spark" of wanting to live on a farm was rekindled a few years ago as I filtered the milk this morning.  I always loved the idea of living in the country, having lots of animals, that sort of thing.  Milking a cow or gathering eggs might have been a small fleeting thought at some point in my childhood, but it didn't figure into the dream as much as owning a horse or galloping across a pasture on that horse.  I do remember one elementary-school field trip to Williamsburg when our class watched a sheep being sheared, and the little greasy fluff of wool that I treasured for years afterwards, but cows and chickens?  Probably not..... Ten years ago, I was pretty firmly entrenched in being the suburban mom who keeps everyone else's schedules going, and was getting burned out pretty quickly.  By the time Michael was born (3rd child) I felt like I'd lost my ability to mentally keep track of everything and the talent of multitasking went right out the window.  By the time Jeremy was born 6 years later, I was having real trouble keeping up with things and suburban life just wasn't satisfying, there was no space in our yard for a new garden venture, the gardens that existed were pretty but were needing more care than I had energy for.....in short, I was not doing a very good job at being mom, taxi driver, chef, home-work helper....  Mothering or being a good wife or trusted volunteer all seemed like areas that I was failing miserably at, and some days I didn't even have the energy to try anymore.  I was going to counseling.  I was on antidepressants.  The small voice in my head still told me that I was not living up to expectations and how could I hold my head high in confidence when I was so inept at what I was supposed to be doing? A small blurb in the church bulletin described a women's hiking retreat to Shenandoah National Park with a mom that I knew from Christopher's class at Immanuel.  If it had been someone I didn't know leading the trip, it would have never caught my attention in the way that it did.  This seemed like a lifeline in the middle of what had become a rather bleak point in my life (at least from my perspective back then!). I prayed about it, and presented it to Jeff after talking with Carol, the leader.  Jeff agreed to let me go, and paid the cost (not cheap, but totally worth it). I went in May, ending the nursing of our last child in order to go.  (In fairness, it was time. Not like I left a 3 week old baby to suddenly adjust to formula!)  But, that was a milestone in my life that I hadn't wanted to reach, because now there would be no more babies to nurse….. The company of the ladies was just what I needed, and I rediscovered who I was and how I fit into God's creation (sounds cheesy, but I'd unknowingly lost myself in the day-to-day and minute-to-minute job of caring for everyone around me.) Surprise!  I had fun, I pointed things out that the others were thrilled to see, I felt free to share my own unique personality and also my faith in the safety of that circle.  I "experienced God" in a way that I'd never known Him before in the company of those women.  The company of those women was so much more than just a week of hiking:  praying together, sharing life experiences, enjoying life away from the demands of "home" for all of us.  Just invigorating in every sense of the word.  That trip was followed by a scouting trip in July (camping with Carol, checking out trails that could potentially be used in future retreats....)  Again, I discovered that I was much more than the tired Mom that had run herself ragged to keep everyone happy back home.  I rediscovered so many things that had thrilled me as a child:  Tent caterpillars and their soft furry feel, acorns and beechnuts on the ground, salamanders creeping across the trail…..hiking through Virginia woods seemed somehow familiar.  And that type of woods WAS familiar:  We lived in Ft. Belvoir when I was 5, and our military housing backed up to woods.  As a young kid, we found those same kinds of caterpillars, as well as Luna moths, Indian arrowheads, and all kinds of other exciting things, and explored as far as we were allowed to go in the woods behind our house. Other trips followed, and Carol saw in me some leadership qualities that I never would have thought were there.  The other ladies on other trips encouraged me in the role of leader-in-training, and I learned all that I could from Carol, anticipating the retreat when I would actually lead.  Imagine that!--me, a leader and not just a follower.  What an adventure! A few years after that first trip, I was excited to organize and lead a retreat on my own.  God led me through the devotion writing, choosing popular hymns and songs to coordinate with daily lessons, planning the trails and lodging we'd be using.  I had some interested women, friends and family, but their life-stages weren't right for a retreat and one by one they regretfully had to tell me that they could not go.  God gave me no indication that I should cancel the whole thing.  The conviction that this is what He had for me to do never left.  It finally came down to me and one friend--Jane. We knew that our husbands were nervous about the two of us going, so we invited them to come along.  It became a 2 couple retreat, and we diligently followed the plans and devotions as a run-through for a future retreat.  That future retreat never materialized, but the time with Myles and Jane was absolutely wonderful.  A blessing from God, for sure! During that trip, we met two motorcycle riders, a husband and wife (and their crazed little cycle-riding chihuahua), and that's where the farm idea started forming in my head.  These two lived on a farm in the valley and rode up to the park when they were able to.  Jeff and I thought that was a wonderful compromise--live near a state park, own a farm after raising our kids, have the best of all worlds.....  A spark started in my mind about farming.   (That's where this whole dialogue was leading.) Since those trips, I've heard a number of times the same message.  Not sure I can put it into words that pull all the thoughts together, but here goes:  As you become immersed in adulthood, you can lose sight of the things that brought you joy as a kid.  But...some of those joyful experiences give you a clue as to what God has in mind for your life, or clues to what God has given you as gifts to cherish.  You can rediscover child-like wonder in the things around you, especially if you've come to a place in your life where nothing seems to lift your spirits.  The things that spoke the most about who you WERE as a kid (for me: finding a fat toad under a mossy rock, or digging up an arrowhead after a heavy rain, or hiking when the leaves are shimmering with dew in the early morning) still speak the most about who you ARE now.  Those things get buried in the day-to-day drudgery of adult life if you forget the childhood wonder that you've left behind.  For me, finding a bright green tree frog out here on the farm and sharing it with my kids is an exciting thing--I used to do that with Chris and Carrie when they were little.  We set up stinky tanks of pond water in the house to raise polliwogs.  We went to the park to just play.  We walked the neighborhood and picked up red leaves to press between sheets of wax paper. We grew dill in the garden and picked the caterpillars off the plants to raise in a jar, just for the wonder of watching the tiger swallowtail butterfly hatch and then be set free.  I had lost some of that joy as baby #3 was born, as the schedules got more difficult to physically keep up with, as baby # 4 was born, as nap-time for baby or toddler became drive-the-siblings-to-practice time.....   The hiking retreats brought back my life-long fascination with nature, my love of the outdoors, the way all of creation could turn my thoughts into thanksgiving to God for making everything so beautiful and wonderful, and also set the spark in my thought-process about a farm….maybe in the shadow of Shenandoah National Park. That was probably phase one of the journey to becoming a hobby farmer--an idea that was there long before, but never truly seen as a possibility. Phase 2 would have been this: Hearing various friend talk about childhood life on a farm and what they missed (or didn't miss!) Going to church with my parents in western Wisconsin and seeing farmers as real people Visiting my sister Paula and her husband and kids in Tennessee, and seeing their self-sufficiency and the joy in their lives as they worked together to provide for themselves and for the people around them. Driving south to Atlanta or north to Wisconsin and having Jeff tell me to pick my chin up off the floor or stop "rubber-necking" (I was gaping at farmhouses and barns and animals out in the fields…..) Hearing about how my cousin Sarah was farming in Michigan, raising chickens, selling eggs, growing produce for her own family and for a small CSA (community supported agriculture) that she set up.  (I was a jealous, truth be told!) Having a wonderful harvest of peaches from one of the trees in our Palatine yard, and freezing them and making jam….. Joining a CSA that delivered a box full of their own farm-grown produce every week for 30 weeks out of the year, and hanging on every word of their newsletters Thinking that our own life could encompass so much more than sports practices and games, the seemingly endless and energy-draining  fundraisers and activities for school and church, the maintaining of gardens of pretty flowers rather than vegetables and fruit trees….. The chicks which became our first "livestock" in a decidedly non-livestock-friendly town. Then came the gift card to a book store, and Jeremy chose one book and I stood in front of the self-sufficiency row and couldn't decide which one to buy.  My choice was Carla Emery's "The Encyclopedia of Country Living", and if my attention wasn't firmly heading in the direction of "FARM", it sure was after reading just the chicken-chapter of that book.  It sparked Jeff's imagination too, just a little, when I gave him no choice but to listen to me read word-for-word different sections of that book.  Whatever the "phases", here we are.  Like when I was in training for leading retreats, I have no doubt that we are here because God orchestrated it.  I would love to think that we'll spend the rest of our lives here, but already there are things (like new county ordinances) that are putting that assumption into question.  But here are the things that I love about this place, both the physical "place" and the "place" that I find myself in at this point in my life: Learning every day, whether I really want to or not Being out in the fresh air, whether it's comfortable weather or extreme cold or heat Having a routine that includes lots of animals Milking a cow every day, rain or snow or shine, and having her and her lovely calf become more and more calm as we learn to work with each other Discovering that I'm tougher and more capable than I ever would have thought (Lift a 50 pound bag of feed?  No problem!) Growing a small percent of what we eat as a family (at this point, it's eggs and milk and chicken meat, not much more) Living in an area where I can run to the store and not worry about not having put make-up on my face or changed out of dingy clothes. The friendliness and genuine caring spirit of the people we meet:  Feedstore owners become friend s who share advice and produce, co-op customers become sources for other healthy produce or meat options, hay farmers become not just feed sources but connections by which other connections are made, people go out of their way to be helpful or even give up hours or days to "help", just for the sake of helping (and we can do the same).  The sense of community, even when we don't know all of our neighbors and haven't lived all of our lives in this community (going to the general store for an ice cream or other treat, each and every time we've had a friendly conversation with just about every other customer in the store).   I am happy here.  It brings joy to my life—the one hundred-plus chickens, the cows who now trot right over for a treat, the dogs who run circles for an hour every morning in the pasture, even the rats or predators that we need to outwit.  Being here reminds me in so many ways of childhood joys and of who God created me to be, at least in my limited understanding of that creation.  I will praise Him for this time that we're here and even when this particular opportunity comes to an end. And in some ways, I'm sure the time here will bring out other qualities that I never expected to see in myself or in my husband or kids, and those God-given qualities will pave the way or teach us skills that we'll need for the next "phase" of our lives. Laura http://dykstrasfarm.blogspot.com/

Pasture play-time

Photo:  Ruby and mama (over a month ago) Funny story from this morning: I've kept the dogs out of the cow pen and watched very carefully when the cows are in the pasture and the dogs interact with them.  Rocky is always on a leash when I let him get close to Ruby (she's still a bit too coy and curious, and tends to bat her eyes at Rocky and dare him to chase her.  Rocky is willing to give chase at the drop of a hat, and will unintentionally switch from "chasing" to "hunting" as he tries to corner her.)  The photo above is to show Ruby's size the last time Rocky had the chance to chase her.  She was big then, but now she stands much taller, and has a bit of a chance against him. This morning, the temperature was above freezing, which meant that I needed to haul multiple wheelbarrows-full of manure-straw litter from the cow pen out into the pasture.  I'm dumping it along the branch-line of the white pine stands, where the needles have formed a thick brown mat on the ground and are choking out the grass.  The manure idea is that--winter snow and spring rains will wash the manure into the grass, chickens and ducks and geese will help to spread and aerate the rained-on manure, the good qualities of the spread-out manure and straw as they decompose in the spring will counteract the acidity of the pine needles, and pasture grass might have a chance.  We need all the pasture grass that we can get! By the 4th wheelbarrow-trip, I got tired of closing the cow gate behind me to keep the dogs out, and let Ruby follow me out into the pasture.  Shadow came and sniffed noses nicely with her.  (I HAVE been encouraging Shadow to "bring her home" in the evenings when it's just me, Shadow and Ruby out in the field.  Shadow gets the idea, and knows that she is allowed to run after Ruby at that point.  What Shadow doesn't know is that, with Bessie already in the cow pen, the praise I shower on Shadow is false.  Ruby would dash to wherever mama is.) Rocky was distracted from seeing Ruby trot out, busy watching to see if the mouse that Sly was after would dash into the fenced area where he could get it instead. As soon as Rocky saw Ruby, he was off like a shot, wolf-eyes gleaming with mischief as he tore after her.  She saw him coming, kicked into the air and took off, full speed, dodging around and trying to lose him or get in a lucky kick on a tight turn.  Shadow can't resist a chase, so she joined in and Ruby was panicking just a little. Watchful mama Bessie hadn't come out of the cow pen yet, and was on instant alert:  she perked up her ears and ran back and forth inside the cow-fencing in consternation for her baby's safety.  She galloped out the gate with the intent to get down to business (protecting her innocent little child) and then stopped dead in her tracks and gave me a direct look.  I was standing still with the big black wheelbarrow, the dogs and Ruby were flying around the pasture, and Bessie just stood there looking at me, ears swiveled in my direction, eye-contact, no other movement, waiting...... I said "Well, go and teach them a LESSON!"  With that, Bessie immediately tossed her head, took stock of where the pesky dogs were torturing her baby, gave a bucking bronco kick (legs kick off to one side, udder swings to the other), and tore off.  Her timing was perfect--as if she had been truly waiting for permission to go and wreak havoc. If I'd been one of the dogs, I would have run for my life.  I could almost imagine Bessie's eyes turning blood-red and steam snorting out of her nose as she bore down on them. Ruby was running circles and then hiding behind her mama, batting her long eyelashes in defiance at the dogs.  Bessie was circling, trying to shield her little lamb from the big bad wolves.  Rocky was circling and laughing, trying to get in little nips here and there to incite the situation further.  Shadow was keeping her distance but ready to chase at the first opportunity.  Bessie was not swerving from her near-murderous idea of taking those play-ground bullies to task. I was regretting my decision to encourage her to pound on the dogs, when I noticed that all 4 creatures seemed have changed tactics and were now frolicking together more than battling.  Rocky was no longer doing the chasing, but was joyfully tearing around the yard with Ruby running after him.  Shadow was circling and running but chasing no-one in particular.  Bessie was trotting and turning along with Ruby, ever watchful but having a little fun.  (The clue that it was play?  That Rocky was leading the charge and encouraging everyone to chase him, rather than acting like a wolf that's looking to take down his next kill.) It didn't last very long, as Ruby started coughing and needed to dash over for a drink of water.  Rocky got there first, and he and Ruby drank from the same trough for a little while, just until Bessie ambled over.  At that point, she decided that she WOULD teach Rocky a lesson, thank-you-very-much, and cornered him in the milking stanchion, nearly snorting steam.  Her eyes took on a rather mean glint that meant "business".  He looked like he was only sort-of enjoying the challenge, but she wouldn't back down and he snapped at her nose in fear a couple of times before I called him away. The whole thing was humorous, and I must have been laughing out loud as it played out.  The second best part?  Rocky is stretched out, totally exhausted, sleeping soundly in the sun, giving me time to type this without worrying about whether a free-ranging chicken will become a morning snack for him! The best part?  Bessie stopping in her tracks to look at me, seeming to ask if she could do what she's been wanting to do for a long time now, nodding her head as I "gave" her permission, and taking off at full speed with that little buck and kick and swinging udder!  ;) Have a good weekend, everyone! Laura http://dykstrasfarm.blogspot.com/

Farm thoughts

Photo:  The farmhouse waits to be rediscovered 2 1/2 years ago.... This is a rough draft of what I thought of this morning and wanted to get all the loose ends down on "paper".  Another stream-of-consciousness writing assignment, so it might not make much sense, and is pretty long.....but I think everything is worth saying, whether I'm the only one to read it or not!  ;) I was thinking about how the "spark" of wanting to live on a farm was rekindled a few years ago as I filtered the milk this morning.  I always loved the idea of living in the country, having lots of animals, that sort of thing.  Milking a cow or gathering eggs might have been a small fleeting thought at some point in my childhood, but it didn't figure into the dream as much as owning a horse or galloping across a pasture on that horse.  I do remember one elementary-school field trip to Williamsburg when our class watched a sheep being sheared, and the little greasy fluff of wool that I treasured for years afterwards, but cows and chickens?  Probably not..... Ten years ago, I was pretty firmly entrenched in being the suburban mom who keeps everyone else's schedules going, and was getting burned out pretty quickly.  By the time Michael was born (3rd child) I felt like I'd lost my ability to mentally keep track of everything and the talent of multitasking went right out the window.  By the time Jeremy was born 6 years later, I was having real trouble keeping up with things and suburban life just wasn't satisfying, there was no space in our yard for a new garden venture, the gardens that existed were pretty but were needing more care than I had energy for.....in short, I was not doing a very good job at being mom, taxi driver, chef, home-work helper....  Mothering or being a good wife or trusted volunteer all seemed like areas that I was failing miserably at, and some days I didn't even have the energy to try anymore.  I was going to counseling.  I was on antidepressants.  The small voice in my head still told me that I was not living up to expectations and how could I hold my head high in confidence when I was so inept at what I was supposed to be doing? A small blurb in the church bulletin described a women's hiking retreat to Shenandoah National Park with a mom that I knew from Christopher's class at Immanuel.  If it had been someone I didn't know leading the trip, it would have never caught my attention in the way that it did.  This seemed like a lifeline in the middle of what had become a rather bleak point in my life (at least from my perspective back then!). I prayed about it, and presented it to Jeff after talking with Carol, the leader.  Jeff agreed to let me go, and paid the cost (not cheap, but totally worth it). I went in May, ending the nursing of our last child in order to go.  (In fairness, it was time. Not like I left a 3 week old baby to suddenly adjust to formula!)  But, that was a milestone in my life that I hadn't wanted to reach, because now there would be no more babies to nurse….. The company of the ladies was just what I needed, and I rediscovered who I was and how I fit into God's creation (sounds cheesy, but I'd unknowingly lost myself in the day-to-day and minute-to-minute job of caring for everyone around me.) Surprise!  I had fun, I pointed things out that the others were thrilled to see, I felt free to share my own unique personality and also my faith in the safety of that circle.  I "experienced God" in a way that I'd never known Him before in the company of those women.  The company of those women was so much more than just a week of hiking:  praying together, sharing life experiences, enjoying life away from the demands of "home" for all of us.  Just invigorating in every sense of the word.  That trip was followed by a scouting trip in July (camping with Carol, checking out trails that could potentially be used in future retreats....)  Again, I discovered that I was much more than the tired Mom that had run herself ragged to keep everyone happy back home.  I rediscovered so many things that had thrilled me as a child:  Tent caterpillars and their soft furry feel, acorns and beechnuts on the ground, salamanders creeping across the trail…..hiking through Virginia woods seemed somehow familiar.  And that type of woods WAS familiar:  We lived in Ft. Belvoir when I was 5, and our military housing backed up to woods.  As a young kid, we found those same kinds of caterpillars, as well as Luna moths, Indian arrowheads, and all kinds of other exciting things, and explored as far as we were allowed to go in the woods behind our house. Other trips followed, and Carol saw in me some leadership qualities that I never would have thought were there.  The other ladies on other trips encouraged me in the role of leader-in-training, and I learned all that I could from Carol, anticipating the retreat when I would actually lead.  Imagine that!--me, a leader and not just a follower.  What an adventure!   Since those trips, I've heard a number of times the same message.  Not sure I can put it into words that pull all the thoughts together, but here goes:  As you become immersed in adulthood, you can lose sight of the things that brought you joy as a kid.  But...some of those joyful experiences give you a clue as to what God has in mind for your life, or clues to what God has given you as gifts to cherish.  You can rediscover child-like wonder in the things around you, especially if you've come to a place in your life where nothing seems to lift your spirits.  The things that spoke the most about who you WERE as a kid (for me: finding a fat toad under a mossy rock, or digging up an arrowhead after a heavy rain, or hiking when the leaves are shimmering with dew in the early morning) still speak the most about who you ARE now.  Those things get buried in the day-to-day drudgery of adult life if you forget the childhood wonder that you've left behind.  For me, finding a bright green tree frog out here on the farm and sharing it with my kids is an exciting thing--I used to do that with Chris and Carrie when they were little.  We set up stinky tanks of pond water in the house to raise polliwogs.  We went to the park to just play.  We walked the neighborhood and picked up red leaves to press between sheets of wax paper. We grew dill in the garden and picked the caterpillars off the plants to raise in a jar, just for the wonder of watching the tiger swallowtail butterfly hatch and then be set free. The hiking retreats brought back my life-long fascination with nature, my love of the outdoors, the way all of creation could turn my thoughts into thanksgiving to God for making everything so beautiful and wonderful. I was thinking about how the "spark" of wanting to live on a farm was rekindled a few years ago.  I always loved the idea of living in the country, having lots of animals, that sort of thing.  Milking a cow or gathering eggs might have been a small fleeting thought at some point in my childhood, but it didn't figure into the dream as much as owning a horse or galloping across a pasture on that horse. I was pretty firmly entrenched in being the suburban mom who keeps everyone else's schedules going, and was getting burned out pretty quickly.  When Michael was born (3rd child) I felt like I'd lost my ability to mentally keep track of everything and the talent of multitasking went right out the window.  By the time Jeremy was born 6 years later, I was having real trouble keeping up with things and suburban life just wasn't satisfying, there was no space in our yard for a new garden venture, the gardens that existed were pretty but were needing more care than I had energy for.....in short, I was not doing a very good job at being mom, taxi driver, chef, home-work helper....  Mothering or being a good wife or trusted volunteer all seemed like areas that I was failing miserably at, and some days I didn't even have the energy to try anymore.  I was going to counseling.  I was on antidepressants.  The small voice in my head still told me that I was not living up to expectations. A small blurb in the church bulletin described a women's hiking retreat to Shenandoah National Park with a mom that I knew from Christopher's class at Immanuel.  If it had been someone I didn't know leading the trip, it would have never caught my attention in the way that it did.  This seemed like a lifeline in the middle of what had become a rather bleak life (at least from my perspective back then!). I prayed about it, and presented it to Jeff after talking with Carol, the leader.  Jeff agreed to let me go, and paid the cost (not cheap, but totally worth it). I went in May, ending the nursing of our last child in order to go.  (In fairness, it was time. Not like I left a 3 week old baby to suddenly adjust to formula!)  The company of the ladies was just what I needed, and I rediscovered who I was and how I fit into God's creation (sounds cheesy, but I'd unknowingly lost myself in the day-to-day and minute-to-minute job of caring for everyone around me.) Surprise!  I had fun, I saw things and pointed things out that the others were thrilled to see, I "experienced God" in a way that I'd never known Him before in the company of those women.  The company of those women was so much more:  praying together, sharing life experiences, enjoying life away from the demands of "home" for all of us.  Just invigorating in every sense of the word.  That trip was followed by a scouting trip in July (camping with Carol, checking out trails that could potentially be used in future retreats....)  Again, I discovered that I was much more than the tired Mom that had to keep everyone happy back home.  I rediscovered so many things that had thrilled me as a child:  Tent caterpillars and their soft furry feel, acorns and beechnuts on the ground, hiking through Virginia woods that seemed somehow familiar.  And that type of woods WAS familiar:  We lived in Ft. Belvoir when I was 5, and our military housing backed up to woods.  As a young kid, we found those caterpillars, as well as Luna moths, Indian arrowheads, and all kinds of other exciting things, and explored as far as we were allowed to go in the woods behind our house. Other trips followed, and Carol saw in me some leadership qualities that I never would have thought were there.  The other ladies on other trips encouraged me in the role of leader-in-training, and I learned all that I could from Carol, anticipating the retreat when I would actually lead.  Imaging that--me, a leader and not just a follower.  What an adventure! I was thinking about how the "spark" of wanting to live on a farm was rekindled a few years ago.  I always loved the idea of living in the country, having lots of animals, that sort of thing.  Milking a cow or gathering eggs might have been a small fleeting thought at some point in my childhood, but it didn't figure into the dream as much as owning a horse or galloping across a pasture on that horse. I was pretty firmly entrenched in being the suburban mom who keeps everyone else's schedules going, and was getting burned out pretty quickly.  When Michael was born (3rd child) I felt like I'd lost my ability to mentally keep track of everything and the talent of multitasking went right out the window.  By the time Jeremy was born 6 years later, I was having real trouble keeping up with things and suburban life just wasn't satisfying, there was no space in our yard for a new garden venture, the gardens that existed were pretty but were needing more care than I had energy for.....in short, I was not doing a very good job at being mom, taxi driver, chef, home-work helper....  Mothering or being a good wife or trusted volunteer all seemed like areas that I was failing miserably at, and some days I didn't even have the energy to try anymore.  I was going to counseling.  I was on antidepressants.  The small voice in my head still told me that I was not living up to expectations. A small blurb in the church bulletin described a women's hiking retreat to Shenandoah National Park with a mom that I knew from Christopher's class at Immanuel.  If it had been someone I didn't know leading the trip, it would have never caught my attention in the way that it did.  This seemed like a lifeline in the middle of what had become a rather bleak life (at least from my perspective back then!). I prayed about it, and presented it to Jeff after talking with Carol, the leader.  Jeff agreed to let me go, and paid the cost (not cheap, but totally worth it). I went in May, ending the nursing of our last child in order to go.  (In fairness, it was time. Not like I left a 3 week old baby to suddenly adjust to formula!)  The company of the ladies was just what I needed, and I rediscovered who I was and how I fit into God's creation (sounds cheesy, but I'd unknowingly lost myself in the day-to-day and minute-to-minute job of caring for everyone around me.) Surprise!  I had fun, I saw things and pointed things out that the others were thrilled to see, I "experienced God" in a way that I'd never known Him before in the company of those women.  The company of those women was so much more:  praying together, sharing life experiences, enjoying life away from the demands of "home" for all of us.  Just invigorating in every sense of the word.  That trip was followed by a scouting trip in July (camping with Carol, checking out trails that could potentially be used in future retreats....)  Again, I discovered that I was much more than the tired Mom that had to keep everyone happy back home.  I rediscovered so many things that had thrilled me as a child:  Tent caterpillars and their soft furry feel, acorns and beechnuts on the ground, hiking through Virginia woods that seemed somehow familiar.  And that type of woods WAS familiar:  We lived in Ft. Belvoir when I was 5, and our military housing backed up to woods.  As a young kid, we found those caterpillars, as well as Luna moths, Indian arrowheads, and all kinds of other exciting things, and explored as far as we were allowed to go in the woods behind our house. Other trips followed, and Carol saw in me some leadership qualities that I never would have thought were there.  The other ladies on other trips encouraged me in the role of leader-in-training, and I learned all that I could from Carol, anticipating the retreat when I would actually lead.  Imaging that--me, a leader and not just a follower.  What an adventure! A few years after that first trip, I was excited to organize and lead a retreat on my own.  God led me through the devotion writing, choosing popular hymns and songs to coordinate with daily lessons, planning the trails and lodging we'd be using.  I had some interested women, friends and family, but their life-stages weren't right for a retreat and one by one they regretfully had to tell me that they could not go.  God gave me no indication that I should cancel the whole thing.  The conviction that this is what He had for me to do never left.  It finally came down to me and one friend--Jane. We knew that our husbands were nervous about the two of us going, so we invited them to come along.  It became a 2 couple retreat, and we diligently followed the plans and devotions as a run-through for a future retreat.  That future retreat never materialized, but the time with Myles and Jane was absolutely wonderful.  A blessing from God, for sure! During that trip, we met two motorcycle riders, a husband and wife (and their crazed little cycle-riding chihuahua), and that's where the farm idea started forming in my head.  These two lived on a farm in the valley and rode up to the park when they were able to.  Jeff and I thought that was a wonderful compromise--live near a state park, own a farm after raising our kids, have the best of all worlds.....  A spark started in my mind about farming.   (That's where this whole dialogue was leading.)   Since those trips, I've heard a number of times the same message.  Not sure I can put it into words that pull all the thoughts together, but here goes:  As you become immersed in adulthood, you can lose sight of the things that brought you joy as a kid.  But...some of those joyful experiences give you a clue as to how God made you to be uniquely YOU.  Whatever has happened to take your attention away from that child-like wonder at different things in your life, the unique qualities of who you are don't just disappear as you get older.  You can rediscover child-like wonder in the things around you, especially if you've come to a place in your life where nothing seems to lift your spirits.  The things that spoke the most about who you WERE as a kid (for me: finding a fat toad under a mossy rock, or digging up an arrowhead after a heavy rain, or hiking when the leaves are shimmering with dew in the early morning) can still speak the most about who you ARE now.  For me, finding a bright green tree frog out here on the farm and sharing it with my kids is an exciting thing--I used to do that with Chris and Carrie when they were little.  We would set up stinky tanks of pond water in the house to raise polliwogs.  We went to the park to just play.  We walked the neighborhood and picked up red leaves to press between sheets of wax paper. We grew dill in the garden and picked the caterpillars off the plants to raise in a jar, just for the wonder of watching the tiger swallowtail butterfly hatch and then be set free. The hiking retreats brought back my life-long fascination with nature, my love of the outdoors, the way all of creation could turn my thoughts into thanksgiving to God for making everything so beautiful and wonderful, and also set the spark in my thought-process about a farm….maybe in the shadow of Shenandoah National Park. That was probably phase one of the journey to becoming a hobby farmer. Phase 2 would have been this: Hearing various friend talk about childhood life on a farm and what they missed (or didn't miss!) Going to church with my parents in western Wisconsin and seeing farmers as real people Visiting my sister Paula and her husband and kids in Tennessee, and seeing their self-sufficiency and the joy in their lives as they worked together to provide for themselves and for the people around them. Driving south to Atlanta or north to Wisconsin and having Jeff tell me to pick my chin up off the floor or stop "rubber-necking" (I was gaping at farmhouses and barns and animals out in the fields…..) Hearing about how my cousin Sarah was farming in Michigan, raising chickens, selling eggs, growing produce for her own family and for a small CSA (community supported agriculture) that she set up.  (I was a jealous, truth be told!) Having a wonderful harvest of peaches from one of the trees in our Palatine yard, and freezing them and making jam….. Joining a CSA that delivered a box full of their own farm-grown produce every week for 30 weeks out of the year, and hanging on every word of their newsletters Thinking that our own life could encompass so much more than sports practices and games, the seemingly endless and energy-draining  fundraisers and activities for school and church, the maintaining of gardens of pretty flowers rather than vegetables and fruit trees….. The chicks which became our first "livestock" in a decidedly non-livestock-friendly town. Then came the gift card to a book store, and Jeremy chose one book and I stood in front of the self-sufficiency row and couldn't decide which one to buy.  My choice was Carla Emery's "The Encyclopedia of Country Living", and if my attention wasn't firmly heading in the direction of "FARM", it sure was after reading just the chicken-chapter of that book.  It sparked Jeff's imagination too, just a little, when I gave him no choice but to listen to me read word-for-word different sections of that book.  Whatever the "phases", here we are.  Like when I was in training for leading retreats, I have no doubt that we are here because God orchestrated it.  I would love to think that we'll spend the rest of our lives here, but already there are things (like new county ordinances) that are putting that assumption into question.  But here are the things that I love about this place, both the physical "place" and the "place" that I find myself in at this point in my life: Learning every day, whether I really want to or not Being out in the fresh air, whether it's comfortable weather or extreme cold or heat Having a routine that includes lots of animals Milking a cow every day, rain or snow or shine, and having her and her lovely calf become more and more calm as we learn to work with each other Discovering that I'm tougher and more capable than I ever would have thought (Lift a 50 pound bag of feed?  No problem!) Growing a small percent of what we eat as a family (at this point, it's eggs and milk and chicken meat, not much more) Living in an area where I can run to the store and not worry about not having put make-up on my face or changed out of dingy clothes. The friendliness and genuine caring spirit of the people we meet:  Feedstore owners become friend s who share advice and produce, co-op customers become sources for other healthy produce or meat options, hay farmers become not just feed sources but connections by which other connections are made, people go out of their way to be helpful or even give up hours or days to "help", just for the sake of helping (and we can do the same).  The sense of community, even when we don't know all of our neighbors and haven't lived all of our lives in this community (going to the general store for an ice cream or other treat, each and every time we've had a friendly conversation with just about every other customer in the store).   I am happy here.  It brings joy to my life—the one hundred-plus chickens, the cows who now trot right over for a treat, the dogs who run circles for an hour every morning in the pasture, even the rats or predators that we need to outwit.  Being here reminds me in so many ways of childhood joys and of who God created me to be, at least in my limited understanding of that creation.  I will praise Him for this time that we're here and even when this particular opportunity comes to an end. And in some ways, I'm sure the time here will bring out other qualities that I never expected to see in myself or in my husband or kids, and those God-given qualities will pave the way or teach us skills that we'll need for the next "phase" of our lives. Laura http://dykstrasfarm.blogspot.com/