Some fond memories, which were not so great at the time:
Bessie standing with about 80 other cows, hock-deep in churned up manure at her previous farm. Me tentatively walking up to her to touch her back, as she easily shrunk back into the herd to avoid my touch. She was smart! :)
The delivery day, when....Bessie leaped wildly out of the trailer, had no idea where she was,and nearly barged past the burly guy who had brought her to us. She had a clear path to the surrounding fields, if only she had known... And what flashed through my mind in that split-second was the awful thought that we, as newbies to the area, would forever be the laughingstocks in this community of farmers.
Bessie and Lucy, two Oreo cows, standing along the fenceline in the dark that first night, and the terrible fright they caused when our previously suburban dog caught sight on nothing more than two huge white vertical "shapes" in the pitch blackness (their stripes, all that showed up in the weak beam of my flashlight)
And then, oh boy. She was supposed to walk into the stanchion built of 2 x 4's, so I could milk her. It was sort of bolted to the wall. I was supposed to close her neck between two boards, so that she would stand calmly for me to milk her. We'd followed all the advice we could get. The boards touched her neck, she tossed her head, trampled around a bit, ripped the stanchion right off the wall, stepped hard on my right foot, and took off. My toe may have been broken, as I had pain there for about 6 months afterward.
It took two days to lure her into the stanchion to milk her. She was leaking milk with every step. She had a raging case of mastitis. But that first sweet time of milking her, I loved every "swish" of milk into the bucket (a PLASTIC bucket, all I had). And despite the warnings not to drink too much raw milk until my body was accustomed to it, and not knowing that mastitis was an INFECTION and that the milk should be dumped out, I drank a little. And then took an entire glass. It was glorious.
I remember taming her by brushing her. Her body would relax, until her nose was resting on the ground. If her eyes could have fluttered and if she could have let out a sigh of pure pleasure, that's what her body language was telling me. She might be stubborn, and opinionated, but there was a chink in that cow-mentality that would let me in just a little more each day.
I remember diligently shoveling and putting down new bedding every....single....day.... Until some lightbulb moment, when I realized that this was OK to do, but it was also OK to give my wrists a rest when the carpal tunnel pain started to set in.
There were the times when the vet came out to artificially inseminate her. Sometimes I needed to give a series of shots in the days before he came out. In her rump. I got pretty good at it. And then the vet would come out with his plastic up-to-the-shoulder sleeve, and the long straw of "stuff". It was fascinating.
The times when calves were due, and I was a basket case, waiting and wondering when it would be. Twice I was blessed to observe the actual birth. What joy!!! What a privilege to see the change in Bessie as she greeted and crooned to her new baby. And her mothering skills. I could have taken lessons from her example.
The time we sold her 18 month old daughter. Bessie stood out in the middle of the pasture and just gazed out into the empty fields, lost without her companion. Something like her little son is feeling now.
The time when the dogs were frolicking in the fresh snow, and Bessie and son decided THEY would frolic as well. The dogs hid behind me as the two Dutch Belteds kicked up their heels and kinked their tails, and got such a wicked gleam in their eye that I took the dogs out of the pasture for their own safety. And then I just stood at the gate and smiled at my two beautiful Belteds, acting like calves together on that beautiful, cold winter day.
Bessie had a love for Jeff. He could cut the grass, or bring armloads of garlic mustard, and she would moo at the fence and prick her ears towards him. Her first owner was a man. I think she will always respond to men in a different way. But she still thought of herself as "queen", whether with Jeff or with me.
And then the disasters of 2014...
Bessie nudged the door open, let herself into the barn, and ate 75 pounds of grain before I found her. The vet and I were out there at 2 in the morning, both of us swearing, trying to keep Bessie calm with a tube down her throat and a gallon or more of medicine that she needed to swallow, in order to save her.
And the week when we were gone to Phoenix, and for all that we could piece together later, she had not been fed for some or all of those farm-sitter days. The morning that we got back, we learned that she had been found earlier that day, wedged between stanchion and stall, her front leg rubbed raw from her efforts to stand, and a small army of neighbors, the vet, and friends had basically used a jaws-of-life reciprocating saw to cut her free and then the tremendous group effort to hoist her to her feet and see if she would survive. She was weak for days. She was skin and bones. My poor girl. She lost a pregnancy that time. It was the set-back that ultimately led to the decision that we could no longer keep her. My heart was broke for her sake.
When she recovered, we literally used the "last straw" of bull stuff to impregnate her. Her spunky Moon Child calf was the result. I had hoped to sell them together, but that was not to be. The little guy is a bit lost out there on his own, but starting to act curious and less afraid of me than he was when Momma was still here to hide behind. He tried to make friends with Taffy (the farm dog) and with the pigs (who want nothing to do with a much larger creature that is not bringing food for them). He'll be OK.
Milking Bessie was a joy even when she trampled the milk into her bedding, or when the clumpy mastitis meant that I needed to learn a new skill....how to administer the medicine by INSERTING something UP into her teats to knock out the infection in her udder...
Well, maybe not all of it was joyful...
Back to the joy part...the pure white liquid, swishing and swirling in the stainless steel bucket, a blessing that made me think of our God who had made all of this possible.
In the middle of years of suburban life when I felt like I was going to drown in obligations and meetings, the idea of a farm was a saving grace. And then in the surprising reality that we actually BOUGHT a farm and moved out of suburbia, this farm life was a taste of heaven. Bessie was such a huge part of that. There has been healing in the farm routine, after years of being pulled in every direction by people and obligations, mostly in the name of "good" causes. Where do you draw the line when you see value in every request?!!!
The farm routine and animals gave a sense of peace after years of chasing around after sports' schedules and eating in fast-food restaurants and volunteering past the bounds of what should have been humanly possible.
Well, that's an exaggeration. I had not learned when to say "Sorry, I can't take on that people-pleasing task" or "Sorry, I can't attend a meeting at that time" or "I'm really sorry, but I am not the person to take on that task".
This has been a time to catch my breath, recover from burning the candle at both ends AND in the middle. Learning that it is OK to say no, even to a worthy cause that needs my time and energy. Starting to realize that I can give myself some grace in not always being able to fulfill everyone's expectations... And realizing that my own expectations of what I should or could accomplish are so infinitely more demanding than what anyone else is asking of me!!! That's probably the key to all of this.
It isn't always that God is staring me in the face with every waking moment here on the farm, but....He is definitely present in everything that is here. There are a lot of animals here, but each one is part of a learning process. Some will be downsized after I learn that one or another particular "venture" might not be a good fit for the long run. Some will be continued and built on, as long as the market allows. Some will possibly just be for meat and eggs for our own family. It's all part of the process, and it's all OK. God has allowed so much of a learning curve here, and somehow, it fits who He made me to be.
Anyway, this is becoming quite the rambling post.
From having the stanchion ripped off the wall, and having a (possibly) broken toe, to that gorgeous and healthy milk in our refrigerator and knowing it was produced on OUR farm... No matter what the work that was involved, or the complaining as I needed to prod/plead/demand help on the clean-up end of cow-ownership, the years with a dairy cow in our menagerie will be looked back on with fondness and a bit of nostalgia.
I loved that cow.
I am so thankful that there was a farm willing to take on and love our 12 year old cow when it was time for me to say goodbye to her. They tell me that Bessie was the first one to walk into the milking parlor yesterday, her first morning with them. They sent me a photo of Bessie eating at the feeder with several Jersey cows, and my reply was "She's probably thrilled to have some gals to gossip with after these years with me".
She is where she is supposed to be. But for 4 years, she was supposed to be here. And I am so thankful for that time.
Laura








